A Wartime Prayer

Dear Lord,

Lest I continue in my complacent way,
Help me remember that somewhere,
somehow out there,
A man died for me today.

As long as there be war,
I then must ask and answer,
Am I worth dying for?

by Eleanor Roosevelt

More Happy Pictures!




Adam weighted 10 lbs.& 3 ozs. at birth.



He came into this world a bruiser. LOL He was a good baby, always happy. He was 2 months old in these pictures.





I was so blessed to be his mother.

I want happy thoughts in my head.



Adam LOVED soccer. I think he was about 8 years old in this picture.
I have pictures of him playing soccer with some Iraqi children. I will try to put those on here too.

Amber was 5, Adam was almost 4 and Josh was about 4 months old. It makes me smile and cry at the same time.

Dealt With?

I had something happen to me this morning that I don't understand, and it scared me.


I was fully awake, lying in bed, listening to it rain. I was hoping the dogs wouldn't make me get up and take them out in the weather. All of a sudden it was like a movie started playing in my head. It just popped in and it was horrible! It was Adam in Iraq. I closed my eyes and I started saying, "think of something else, think of something else." Finally it stopped. Now I am afraid it's going to happen again. I don't want that playing in my head!



I thought I had dealt with his death but maybe I haven't. But of course, what does "dealt with" mean anyway?! accepted? moved on? justified? forgotten? forgiven? stopped crying every day? stopped missing his voice, his presence? What does it mean?? I have to know what it means before I can do it!!

"Call to me and I will answer you, and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know."
Jeremiah 33:3

Some days the loss of Adam is crushing; today is one of those days. I miss him so much. He loved me, he told me that every time I talked to him. I had no doubt about that. I need him here! I need his smile, his laughter , his encouraging words. I need him to hug me and tell me everything is going to be alright.

Why does life have to be so hard? Why is love not enough?

Adam's birthday was last week. I did ok on that day. I guess I had prepared myself, but the day after and the days since have been hell. I can't quit crying. I try, I tell myself it doesn't change anything but I can't stop. People tell me to remember the good times but the good times are often more painful. They are just a reminder of what we are missing and will never have again. Life just goes on. And that life is not one I recognize, not one I thought I would have to live. So how do I do this?