Spring

The dogwoods are starting to bud. It won't be long before they are in full bloom.

When we bought our house in '96, it was winter so I didn't know what kind of trees we had on the property. Everything was bare and lifeless, nothing but naked trees everywhere. But, oh! that first spring was wonderful! We had fourteen dogwoods, and they were gorgeous! My whole yard was a mass of beautiful, snowy white flowers.

Every spring I looked forward to their blooming, but not anymore. I dread it now. Now it hurts to look at them.

The morning of April 26,2007, before we got the awful news of Adam's death, I had stopped in the driveway to admire the trees in all their glory. I thanked God for the beauty of it, never knowing that in just a few short hours my life, as I knew it, would never be the same. I was going to start on a journey that would never end, at least not on this earth. My hope is in Heaven.

The picture above was taken March 31, 2007. We had just had a new driveway poured and I was taking pictures to send to Adam. The pictures I sent were in some of his things that were sent home. I'm glad he got to see them.

A Wartime Prayer

Dear Lord,

Lest I continue in my complacent way,
Help me remember that somewhere,
somehow out there,
A man died for me today.

As long as there be war,
I then must ask and answer,
Am I worth dying for?

by Eleanor Roosevelt

More Happy Pictures!




Adam weighted 10 lbs.& 3 ozs. at birth.



He came into this world a bruiser. LOL He was a good baby, always happy. He was 2 months old in these pictures.





I was so blessed to be his mother.

I want happy thoughts in my head.



Adam LOVED soccer. I think he was about 8 years old in this picture.
I have pictures of him playing soccer with some Iraqi children. I will try to put those on here too.

Amber was 5, Adam was almost 4 and Josh was about 4 months old. It makes me smile and cry at the same time.

Dealt With?

I had something happen to me this morning that I don't understand, and it scared me.


I was fully awake, lying in bed, listening to it rain. I was hoping the dogs wouldn't make me get up and take them out in the weather. All of a sudden it was like a movie started playing in my head. It just popped in and it was horrible! It was Adam in Iraq. I closed my eyes and I started saying, "think of something else, think of something else." Finally it stopped. Now I am afraid it's going to happen again. I don't want that playing in my head!



I thought I had dealt with his death but maybe I haven't. But of course, what does "dealt with" mean anyway?! accepted? moved on? justified? forgotten? forgiven? stopped crying every day? stopped missing his voice, his presence? What does it mean?? I have to know what it means before I can do it!!

"Call to me and I will answer you, and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know."
Jeremiah 33:3

Some days the loss of Adam is crushing; today is one of those days. I miss him so much. He loved me, he told me that every time I talked to him. I had no doubt about that. I need him here! I need his smile, his laughter , his encouraging words. I need him to hug me and tell me everything is going to be alright.