Will this hell I'm living in never end!?!? It's been a year and a half AND today I get more death certificates in the mail. It says mode of death-MURDER! My God! Sometimes I think this really is hell.

"The strands are all there; to the memory nothing is ever lost."

~ Eudora Welty

An old woman and her tattoo

One of my regrets is that I didn't get a tattoo for Adam while he was alive. He used to try to get me to get one. He loved tatts! He would say "Awww, Mom you have got to get a tattoo!!" and I would say "Adam, I am an old woman and old women do not get tattoos!" A week after we buried him, I went with my daughter, sister, niece and his fiancee and we all got matching tattoos. Actually, my daughter and youngest son had already gone and got theirs but she went with me so I could get one like hers. Who would have ever thought I would get a tattoo?! Adam said if I ever got 1, I would want to get more. And he was right!

Me, sister, niece, fiancee & daughter.

Oh, how I miss my boy!

The future is not yet ours; perhaps it never will be. If it comes, it may come wholly different from what we have foreseen. Let us shut our eyes, then, to that which God hides from us, and keeps in reserve in the treasures of His deep counsels. Let us worship without seeing; let us be silent; let us abide in peace.

-- Francois De Salignac De La Mothe Fenelon

But the souls of the righteous are in the hand of God, and there shall no torment touch them. In the sight of the unwise they seemed to die: and their departure is taken for misery, and their going from us to be utter destruction; but they are in peace.

-- The Wisdom of Solomon 3:1-3

Silent Cries

There are times in my life when my heart

cries out so loud for you

That I cringe,

wondering what others might think.

And then I realize

that only I can hear the screams.

They are a part of me,

like the blood rushing through my veins

and the breath leaving my lungs.

~Unknown

Grief is a very lonely place.

I thought by now I would have died from the pain of it but I haven't, so I guess you can't really die from a broken heart. You don't die and the pain never ends. You just learn to live with it.

"The pain of grief is just as much a part of life as the joy of love;

it is perhaps the price we pay for love"

- Colin Murray Parkes