To live is to suffer. To survive is to find meaning in the suffering.

I had another crying dream. This one felt so real. You know how in some dreams you know you are dreaming and even when you wake up, you’re like, “Wow, what a weird dream!” When I woke up from this one I couldn't quit thinking about it. I have been trying to figure out what it means.

I dreamed a guy came to the house to do some repairs but when I looked outside he was putting my car on a car-hauler. I went outside and asked him what he was doing. He said he was taking my car to paint a tribute to Adam on it. I fell to my knees and started sobbing. I cried and cried and then fell forward on my face. I could feel and smell the dirt and grass (I actually felt my face when I woke up to see if I had dirt on me). Then I felt my whole body go limp. I lay there crying and unable to move. I could hear people walking around me but nobody stopped to help me. Then I woke up.

This picture was taken on the 4th of July, 2006 soon after boot camp. He was so proud, and I was so proud of him.

April is a hard month.