Silent Cries

There are times in my life when my heart

cries out so loud for you

That I cringe,

wondering what others might think.

And then I realize

that only I can hear the screams.

They are a part of me,

like the blood rushing through my veins

and the breath leaving my lungs.

~Unknown

Grief is a very lonely place.

I thought by now I would have died from the pain of it but I haven't, so I guess you can't really die from a broken heart. You don't die and the pain never ends. You just learn to live with it.

"The pain of grief is just as much a part of life as the joy of love;

it is perhaps the price we pay for love"

- Colin Murray Parkes

I knew the possibilities.

I knew the possibilities. My dad was in the Army. I lived at Ft. Campbell Kentucky in 1964-67, during the Viet Nam war. I knew. But it still never prepared me for seeing those Marines in my driveway.
My husband and I were in Huntsville when he got a call from his office, telling him there were soldiers at our house. They only come to your house when there is a death. I knew, but knowing is not always believing. Someone else had on Adam’s uniform. Someone else had been wearing Adam’s dogtags. It couldn’t be him! It had to be a mistake! Please God, PLEASE!! I begged God to wake me up. This can’t be happening!
But it was. And I knew.

“We regret to inform you…” at least that’s how I think it went, I really don’t remember hearing them speak. I knew without hearing the words. The looks on their faces said it all. I found myself wanting to comfort them but how, when all I wanted to do was lay down and die. Someone had to go get my daughter from work. Someone does but I don’t know who. Someone had to get Adam’s fiancée from work. Someone does but I don’t know who. The Army was supposed to inform my youngest son that his brother was killed in Iraq but no one does. That responsibility falls to me. His anguished cry will be with me forever. He is stationed at Schofield Barracks, Hawaii. So far away. I can’t be there to hold him, to comfort him on his 24-hour plane ride home. We had to wait a week for Adam to get home. That week I prayed they were wrong. I kept waiting for him to call me and tell me there had been a horrible mistake, that he was alive. But…

I knew.

I know. Our lives will never be the same as they were before Adam was killed. We are going to have to hold tight to each other and find some kind of new normal.



When you lose a child your priorities change. I realize the only thing that matters is love. And I believe it’s the only thing you can take with you when you go.

DON'T BE AFRAID TO SAY HIS NAME
Please don't be afraid to say his name.He lived and was important to us. We need to hear his name.

If we cry and get emotional talking about him, please understand it isn't because of something you said or did. The fact that our child has died causes our tears. They are part of our healing.

Please don't devalue our child's life by removing his pictures or other remembrances from your home.We will have our emotional highs and lows, ups and downs.

Please don't think that if we have a good day, our grief is over - or that if we have a bad day, we need to see a psychiatrist.The death of a child is different from other losses. It is the ultimate tragedy, not to be compared with the loss of a parent, spouse, or pet.

Being a bereaved parent is not contagious, so please don't shy away from us. We need you.

Depression, anger, frustration, hopelessness, questioning of values and beliefs are to be expected following the death of a child. Allow us to feel these emotions without feeling guilty.

Don't expect our grief to be over in six months. We will never be cured or former bereaved parents, but will forever more miss and grieve for our child.

If we are not publicly hysterical, please do not consider that we are strong or doing well. Our minds and hearts are very likely screaming, and it is only a matter of time before we have to escape the public eye and retreat to our privacy to cry and scream.

Please send us a note saying you're thinking of us or praying for us. We draw on your support and strength. Although we aren't feeling sociable, your cards are important to us.

Understand our physical reactions to grief. We may gain or lose weight,sleep all the time, or none at all. Birthdays and holidays are difficult times.

Please tell us you are thinking of our child on these days and share your memories with us.

Avoid comments like "Get on with your life, you'll feel better", or"If you keep busy, you won't think about him". We want to think about him. Denial is much less painful than the reality that is our terror.

Don't suggest anti-depressants. We are not depressed. We are sad. There is a big difference. The only way to get through the grief is to experience it.

Understand that grief changes people. We are not the same people we were before our child died. We are forever changed. Try to get to know the new us, maybe you will still like us.Be patient with us.When in doubt of how to act around us - just ask.
~Unknown~

It's been a hard day but everyday is hard. I can't quit crying. I miss Adam so much. I close my eyes and remember the last time I saw him,"don't worry Mom, I'll be alright" I feel his face in my hands, the stubble. He hugs me and kisses me goodbye. I'm so afraid. I'm so scared. Please come home to me, PLEASE!!
I keep seeing the Marines sitting in my driveway. Oh God, NO, please, NO. Wake me up, please! this can't be real. It's got to be a nightmare!! PLEASE GOD!!!! Then, please just let me die. But I don't die either. I just go on. If it weren't for my other children I think I would just lay down and wait for death.