Dealt With?

I had something happen to me this morning that I don't understand, and it scared me.


I was fully awake, lying in bed, listening to it rain. I was hoping the dogs wouldn't make me get up and take them out in the weather. All of a sudden it was like a movie started playing in my head. It just popped in and it was horrible! It was Adam in Iraq. I closed my eyes and I started saying, "think of something else, think of something else." Finally it stopped. Now I am afraid it's going to happen again. I don't want that playing in my head!



I thought I had dealt with his death but maybe I haven't. But of course, what does "dealt with" mean anyway?! accepted? moved on? justified? forgotten? forgiven? stopped crying every day? stopped missing his voice, his presence? What does it mean?? I have to know what it means before I can do it!!