Telling people that you have lost a child is not easy. I've been trying to talk more about Adam, especially with my co-workers. I have found that I am not the only bereaved parent there. Sad, but comforting too. I know that I can go to J. and she will totally understand what I am feeling.
When people find out about Adam,there are so many different reactions. I've tried to prepare myself for some of them but there are times that I'm taken aback. One woman asked if I had other children. When I said yes, she said "good!", as if Adam was a spare, since I had two other children, I wouldn't miss him. I wanted to ask her which one of her children was HER spare,which one would she be able to get over losing? I know there was no meaness in her question, I understand it, but it still hurt.
I have read your blog for several years now. Sorry I've never commented before. Often thought about it...never have. Every time I read one of your posts, it makes me feel so sad. You always sound so very sad and down. We lost my 23 year old brother, Daniel, in May 2005 and as hard as it has been for me, I know it is nothing compared to what my Mom has gone through. (You can read about him on the link from my blog.) I read on a blog post today that "You never get OVER something like this. You get THROUGH it with God's grace." This is from a blog of a woman who lost her daughter two years ago. Here is the link: http://billyandhopeatchison.blogspot.com/
ReplyDeleteIt is heart-wrenching to read back to two years ago when she lost her daughter, but I thought you might find it encouraging to read her journey through her blog. Of course everyone's journey is different in losing a loved one. But our God is the same, and I just hope that your heart will not always be as heavy as it seems right now. I know it doesn't get easier and that the pain is still raw and horrible. I have four young children, and I think every day about how I cannot imagine living life after losing one of them - like you and my Mom have had to. There is truly no greater loss than that of a child. My heart does ache for you and I am SO sad that Adam was taken from you.
I do pray for you - and hope that you will find comfort in this earth in the God who loves both Adam and you and who allows these sad things to happen in our lives. I know losing Daniel has caused us to depend more upon Him!
Anyway, I know this comment must seem totally random! But I also wanted you to know that there are MANY MANY people out there who have lost a child. I was at a conference recently where the speaker asked every woman to stand that had ever lost a child - (including miscarriages - which many women find just as painful) and over half of the room was standing.
You are not alone!
~annie
www.thehathawayhome.blogspot.com
Dear Annie,
ReplyDeleteFirst let me say how sorry I am for the loss of you brother Daniel. The Compassionate Friends call adult siblings, "the forgotten mourners". My 32 year old daughter is really struggling with the loss of Adam.
I'm sorry that my blog makes you sad. When I started it I just needed a safe place to get out all I was feeling. I never thought anyone would read it or even care but I have found more people read it than I thought. The Compassionate Friends magazine even published part of it in the summer 2009 issue.
I have been reading Hope's blog since the loss of Alaina. She is so encouraging and I have envied her faith. I am still struggling with mine. It does help me to know there are people praying for me, I have trouble praying.
Thank you for your concern and prayers.
Becky
I've posted before, I am married to a US Marine who became a police officer. I work as a RN and July 28th, my life was shattered. I feel although he was my husband and not my son, he was your sons brother through the Marines. My husband was killed in the line of duty while doing undercover work. I gather strength from your inspiration and grace. Thank you for blogging such raw emotions, you are amazing. Sherry Ledemsa
ReplyDeleteOh Sherry, my heart aches for you and your boys! I am so sorry!I pray you have people around you that will support and be there for you. My email address is bloggins1@charter.net if you want to talk, email me and I will send you my phone number. I wish there was something I could say that would help ease your pain but I know there is nothing to be said. Remember to breath. I know that sounds crazy but I found myself shallow breathing, take deep breaths. And remember to eat. I will be praying for you and your boys.
ReplyDeleteWith much love and deep sadness,
Becky