Tuesday was Veterans Day. The Wounded Warriors came in this weekend. There was about twenty or so of them. I was supposed to go to the Marine Corps Ball with them on Saturday but I couldn’t do it. How do I go to a Marine Corps Ball my son can’t go to? Adam wanted to go to the ball so much. He talked about it; he couldn’t wait until he could go. He was in the desert, training, so he had to miss that first one he was eligible to go to. And he didn’t make it home for the next one. I went to it last year and the whole time I was there I cried and kept asking myself what I was doing there! Watching those young marines dance and laugh, knowing some of them might not be alive next year, broke my heart. When I think about last year I don’t know how I sat there. I guess I was still in some kind of shock. Of course, the valium helped too. I did go to the Veterans dinner on Monday night and the breakfast on Tuesday but, boy, was it hard! Seeing those young men, some of whom were barely able to walk across the stage, just about did me in. I recognized one of the young wounded marines from last years ball. What a change a year can make! Last year he was in his dress blues, this year he had on a pair of jeans that looked too big for him and a gray hoodie. He looked sad and lost. I went up and hugged him after the breakfast; I wanted to bring him home with me. I don’t know how old he is but he looks like he is about 18. I haven’t been able to get him off my mind. I have cried all day. What will become of him, how will he handle all he has seen and heard? all the things that our country has asked him to do? I pray that God will send people into his life that will help him through this.
Josh took these pictures before him and Adam went out on New Years Eve 2006. Adam was on predeployment leave. He left for Iraq on 18 Jan 07.
Dear Becky,
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry for your loss. And thank you for commenting on my blog. I haven't gone there in a while. My father called me today to say I should go and check out your comment and your page. I am glad for any encouragement you gained from my words. Since Oct. 13th, the first anniversary of Martha Anne's death I have been really struggling with feelings of depression and sadness. You are exactly right...no one but another parent knows what this feels like. And I agree. At times it feels like hell on earth. But I do know and believe that God is on control, even when I don't understand why He allows such pain to exist. I will be praying for you and your family. Hang in there.
Dear Allen,
ReplyDeleteI have been thinking of you and your family since I read your blog. I hurt with you all.
I think we spend the first year in shock, still hoping we will wake up from this nightmare. I have heard from other bereaved parents that the second year is worse and I believe it. You start to believe the reality of it and by then others seem to have forgotten or at least have moved way past it. We are still there at that day, there IS no moving past it, there's only learning to live with it. I go to that pit of depression and sadness quite often. I wish I could tell you that it gets better but I can't. The visits to the pit get less frequent but no less hard. Talking to other parents who have lost children does help because you don't have to explain or apologize for your thoughts or feelings, they understand. I hope you have found others you can talk with. I pray for you and yours.
Becky